Music from a few dozen windchimes hanging in the trees above children’s graves at Maple Ridge Cemetery have been muted forever.
Handpainted beach rocks placed carefully around the gravestones of some of the 50 or so kids – in the same dedicated children’s section of the cemetery – have vanished.
Flower – both live and plastic – placed in cemetery-specific vases next to several engraved headstones, have been ripped from the ground.
A few framed pictures, various trinkets, a couple small statues, a few uplifting plaques, and even tiny toys once played with by the youngsters now buried below, have been damaged or destroyed in a so-called clean up effort.
All the items – each placed with love – were cast aside as if insignificant, worthless garbage, says one of the children’s parents.
These actions were devastating for Helen (not her real name), who discovered just a few days before Christmas that her daughter’s grave – as well as others in the designated children’s section – had been desecrated – not by vandals or thieves, but by staff at the municipally run graveyard.
The Pitt Meadows mother went to spend time with her daughter. Arriving at the cemetery, and specifically her child’s gravesite (which she visits multiple times a year), she was horrified to discover all the kids’ gravesites had been stripped of any personal effects.
Absolutely everything, except the gravestones themselves, was gone.
“All this stuff had been there for a very long time,” said Mom.
Still emotional raw from the “senseless destruction” she’d discovered a few weeks earlier, Helen found it difficult to talk about the items stolen from her, and her son, and most importantly her late daughter.
Helen has been visiting the gravesite every few months for the past 17 years – since her sweet daughter, just seven years old at the time, died of cancer.
“It’s always been an unspoken thing that the children’s section is untouchable,” she told The News. “We were promised and assured this would never happen.”
She blames herself for trusting all the various staff, who had repeatedly told them through the years that clean up of trinkets and gifts was required in other areas of the cemetery – but the kids’ area was off limits.
Staff or volunteers would ocassionally come through and clean and mow the small area of the cemetery, but they always did their best to return every item to its rightful place on or near the children’s graves, Helen explained.
“Although the cemetery policy has always been that for maintenance they do need to get removed, there’s always been assurances the children’s area would not be touched,” she reiterated.
The city issued a statement that such cleanup at both of the Maple Ridge cemeteries is done as routine in the ongoing care, maintenance, and safety of cemetery grounds.
”Items that have deteriorated are removed as part of regular maintenance,” the city noted, adding: “For safety and maintenance reasons, items such as personal mementos, photos, vases, candles, landscape rock, or planted vegetation are not permitted.”
Helen returned to the cemetery earlier this week, this time with her best friend Gina, who had also invited Maple Ridge Councillor Korleen Carreras to join them and see the damage, first hand.
“Hearing how painful this has been for those affected is heartbreaking, and I recognize the need to handle these situations with far greater care and sensitivity,” Carreras told The News after the visit.
“I understand that city staff have been in contact with the families and will continue working with them to better understand what occurred and to identify a respectful path forward. I hope we can do better in supporting families as they grieve and remember their loved ones,” the councillor said, noting she’s shared her findings with the mayor.
She vowed to champion revision of the cemetery policies – which is currently underway – and to encourage staff to seek input from residents – including Helen and other parents impacted by the recent cleanup.
“I welcome input from residents as we work to improve how we support families in honouring those they have lost,” Carreras said.
It turned out the items that had been stripped from the kids gravesites were dumped near the main gate to the cemetery, in a pile of pallets and dirt.
“Items that are removed are retained within the cemetery and remain available for families to pick up,” the city statement said.
Discovering this pile, Gina and Helen spent some time Monday sifting through the mud and shattered remnants, trying to salvage what items they could from the little girl’s gravesite. They also sifted through looking for some cherished items from other children’s graves.
Mom found only two broken remnants from her daughter’s grave, that once had been surrounded by keepsakes.
She managed to retrieve a few broken pieces of a windchime that had hung in the trees overhead with some 25 to 30 others. This one had a series of balls attached with Pet Shop toys inside that the little girl and her younger brother had once played with together.
Mom also found a broken clay butterfly that she had handpainted for her daughter. It said “I miss you baby girl… I love you.”
Just over an hour later, after visiting the gravesites, Helen accompanied this News journalist to the pile of keepsakes – and was hurt, shocked and at the same time somewhat grateful – to see that staff had hurried to sort and clean as many of the artifacts as possible and place them on a makeshift table.
At least some of the other families might be able to retrieve sentimental keepsakes – probably a little worse for wear.
The damage, Mom said, is done. There’s nothing that can be done now to restore the lost items for her daughter or all the other lost kids.
But Mom and Gina will continue lobbying for change, and assurances nothing like this will ever happen again.
“As you can imagine,” Gina said, “losing a child is the most devastating thing that anybody could ever go through. So you hold on to the memories and little trinkets and stuff that give you any kind of joy.”
She’s emphasized this was a tragedy for more than just Helen.
There are dozens of other families impacted by someone’s “careless” actions, Gina said.
Maya’s family, for instance, didn’t have a traditional headstone, so placed a small marker and a picture of their daughter on her grave after the little girl passed just shy of her second birthday. The photo has been retrieved, but permanently damaged.
Likewise, young Quinn, had a toy fire truck on his gravestone. It has since been stripped away and lost.
“You can’t put a dollar value on these lost and destroyed trinkets,” Gina said. “Simply put, this is not okay. It can’t happen again, ever.”