When Archer Conboy arrives in his kindergarten class, he sits down at a desk with his brother’s name on it. At family dinners, Archer pulls a chair out for his brother to sit in. And before he goes to bed, Archer says good night to his brother.
Wherever he goes, Archer takes Everest with him.
Eight-year-old Everest Conboy was killed in a car accident on Dec. 7, 2024. His mother Nicole Ripley is a counsellor who specializes in trauma, but found she didn’t know how to help then five-year-old Archer grieve.
“He lost his brother, his parents had changed, and I definitely felt very unequipped to support him with that. I had a very hard time finding him the right support as well.”
In the days that followed Everest’s death, the Nelson family retreated to Jamaica where Ripley noticed Archer writing Everest’s name in the sand on a beach. He named a teddy bear after his brother, started setting a chair aside for Everest during meals, listened to Everest’s favourite music and took to wearing his hat.
Every time Archer included Everest in some way, Ripley made a note of what he was doing. Her observations form the new children’s book My Brother Is Still With Me: A Story Of Resilience After Sibling Loss, co-authored by Archer and illustrated by Nathan Hayward.
Ripley said she found plenty of counselling advice for parents who have lost children, but little for children who have lost siblings.
“There’s so much of literature and attention on bereaved parents, but sibling loss is not really spoken about.”
My Brother Is Still With Me broaches tragedy with unexpected positivity. Instead of dwelling over a death, Ripley shows how the memory of a sibling can remain a healthy part of a child’s life.
Archer still mourns his brother, but Ripley says children don’t necessarily grieve the same as adults.
“They’re cultured differently. They see things more with their imagination. They’re less hardened by life. They don’t carry what we carry. For Archer, he integrated Everest into all the things we were doing as if he was still there, which is really the birthplace of this book.”
At home, Ripley created a new word — jorrow — that the family uses to describe how they are living since Everest’s death. Jorrow, she says, is the feeling of joy and sorrow in the same moment.
“I think that’s what the book is. It’s jorrow, because it’s just so sad to imagine this little boy without his brother, but it’s also so beautiful how he will forever connect with him in a really special way.”
The book is written for children, but Ripley hopes parents find comfort in it as well.
After Everest’s death, Ripley hiked 120 kilometres of the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Since the ninth century, the route has been used by Christian pilgrims for spiritual self-examination.
Over six days, Ripley made stops monasteries and cemeteries along the way, listening to speakers and thinking about the concept of an afterlife.
The trip provided clarity for Ripley. She used to think losing a child meant the end of a parent’s life. Now she believes in what she calls resilient grieving. Everest is gone, but his memory remains, and Ripley knows he would want his family to live well.
“I just really believe that we’re going to still be able to live a really good life and I just want other people to know that and feel that.”
My Brother Is Still With Me can be ordered online at Amazon.ca. Donations to the Everest Legacy Fund, which provides emotional and financial support to families, can be made at everestlegacyfund.com.
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