Morganne Emery was devastated when her father passed away on Feb. 20.
But, instead of being able to mourn his passing, her family had to overcome obstacle after obstacle trying to honour his final wish of being cremated – because her father, Robert, was 715 pounds when he passed away at the age of 60 in Kelowna.
Now Emery is demanding clear policies from crematoriums, proper accommodations for the deceased, and accountability, so that no other family is put in her family’s position.
Robert had always struggled with his weight and Emery figured there would be some difficulties.
“But I never thought it would come to a situation like this,” she said.
Emery and her eldest brother went to the local funeral home for a meeting about her father’s arrangements on Monday, Feb. 23, where they were told he would have to be transferred to be cremated, due to his size.
He was due to be transferred to Armstrong, an hour away, the following week.
Then, at the last minute, Emery was notified that the crematorium backed out with no reason given.
So, they looked to Kamloops.
“I thought, OK, still relatively close to home, I have family in Kamloops it would be fine,” said Emery.
But, again, Emery received the news that the facility in Kamloops was unable to cremate her father as their equipment was not big enough, and he was over the weight limit.
Most crematoriums have a maximum weight capacity of 500 pounds for safety reasons. Any person exceeding the weight limit has to be brought to a specialized facility.
Emery was told her only other option was in Maple Ridge.
“I was completely distraught at this point, I didn’t know which way was up,” explained the mother of a one-year-old son.
Emery, then pulled out her laptop and began her own search for crematoriums in the Okanagan and after contacting a number of them, was directed to a facility in Nanaimo.
But, she said, the cost to transport her father to Armstrong was going to be around $300, so, she couldn’t imagine the cost to transport her father to Vancouver Island.
Emery found a crematorium in Maple Ridge to cremate her father’s remains, which is scheduled for March 13, three weeks after he passed.
“My father Rob was severely overweight. Yes. But he was also a human being. He was a father, a grandfather, a son, a friend. He was loved deeply. His weight does not define his worth,” said Emery in an online post.
“Instead of being allowed to mourn, we’ve had to advocate, plead, and defend his right to basic dignity. No one prepares you for this part. No one tells you that your loved one might be treated like a complication instead of a person. It is devastating, humiliating, and wrong,” she said.
Emery is hoping her family’s story will spark change in the funeral industry. She wants to see facilities equipped and prepared to serve people of all body types with dignity.
She noted that her father deserves the same respect in death as everyone else.
“Funeral and cremation services should have plans in place, not excuses,” added the grieving daughter.
“No family should ever be made to feel like their loved one is a burden. We are speaking up because change is needed, because dignity should not be conditional, and because every single person, regardless of size, deserves respect in life and in death.”