Warning: This story contains details about child sexual abuse.
An Abbotsford woman who was sexually abused as a child has had the court publication ban lifted on her name so she can speak publicly about what happened to her and offer support to other victims.
Nicolle Lauder said she carried the trauma of her abuse for many years before telling others.
“I felt like it was only really protecting him, but I have nothing to hide,” she said.
Lauder, 27, was at the Abbotsford Law Courts on Tuesday (Jan. 13) for the sentencing hearing of her abuser, Leonard Debad.
The names of the victims of sexual crimes – and details that can identify them – are normally protected by a publication ban through the courts.
But Lauder told the Abbotsford News she petitioned to have the ban lifted in her case because it was important for her to no longer be hidden.
She volunteers with The No Society, which is described online as “a charity that provides services to survivors of sexual violence, as well as their friends or families.”
Lauder said she wants to be a “beacon of light” for other survivors and help support them in their journeys to find healing, including through the justice system when applicable.
Debad, 60, was sentenced to 18 months in prison and three years of probation after previously pleading guilty to a charge of sexual interference of a person under 16.
The court was told that Debad, a crane operator, had been in a relationship with Lauder’s mom, starting when Lauder was around seven years old.
Judge James Henry, in rendering his sentencing decision, said Debad “engaged in sexual touching” of Lauder for three years – from the ages of 12 to 15. Henry said Debad treated Lauder as if the two were in an intimate relationship.
The judge said the abuse occurred regularly, and he characterized the duration and frequency as “deeply troubling.”
He said the fact that Debad was in a position of trust with Lauder was an aggravating factor in sentencing.
“There is a significant breach of trust in this case, given the parental role played and the level of grooming over a significant time period. To exploit a young teenager by leading them to believe they are in a love relationship with an adult reveals a level of immorality that is of great concern,” Henry said.
As part of the sentencing hearing, Lauder and family members – her mom, dad and husband – read victim impact statements.
Lauder, who reported Debad to police four years ago, said the years of abuse left her with “unbearable feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, confusion, shame, low self-esteem and negative core beliefs about the world and everything in it.”
She said she was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 20. Lauder looked directly at Debad, who hung his head throughout the proceedings, as she addressed him in court.
“You took away the innocence, colour, liveliness, freedom, joy and carefree simpleness of my childhood, and I’ll never get that childhood back. Now that I’m a mom, I understand how precious that time is,” Lauder said.
But she told Debad that she forgives him.
“It doesn’t mean that what you did is OK, that your actions disappear or that they do not require consequence. It means that I am not carrying it anymore – the resentment, the hate, the anger or the weight of what you did to me,” Lauder said through tears.
“It means that I am no longer letting you and your mistakes control my life. It also means that I hope healing for you. From the moment I walk out of here, this burden is no longer mine, but it is still yours, and it is time for you to see it for what it is.”
Debad later read a statement in court, apologizing to Lauder and her family.
“Every day I have regrets for things that I’ve done in my life … I’m sorry for the pain I caused,” he said as he cried, his words at times difficult to understand.
The judge said mitigating factors in sentencing include that Debad has no prior criminal record, pleaded guilty, has demonstrated remorse, has been in counselling, has been assessed as a low risk to reoffend and has strong support from friends and family.
The maximum sentence for sexual interference is two years less a day, and the judge agreed with the Crown and defence lawyers’ joint recommendation that Debad serve 18 months.
Lauder told The Abbotsford News she is satisfied with the sentence Debad received because he is being held accountable for his crimes.
“Him sitting in jail, pondering everything that happened and truly feeling the weight of it is validation for me,” she said.
Lauder, who is pregnant with her second child, said going through the criminal-justice process has helped empower her and release her from the guilt and shame she has carried.
“I carried it for so long that I’m just ready to move on with my life. I’m just ready to carry on with this next chapter,” she said.